Posts

Memories of hard times can brighten your way- epilogue

Image
When you take someone’s old diary and read some lines, if you really know the person, you can see the difference. But my transformation, due to two strokes and further changes as its result, was very fast and inevitable. Yet, almost invisible. I was dying from the inside and was not aware of it. I wanted to die and simplicity of it was terrifying. One period of my life I could not use my right arm at all. So my family was writing on my behalf, helping me to put clothes on, eat, taking me to physical rehabilitation. Spa treatment helped me a lot. Psychological treatment too. But most of the job that came after the storm I had to do on my own. It was heartbreaking, challenging, and hard at many moments. It was most important job in my life, still is, a to-do list. Had to do all from scratch. Hated it, but did it. Learned to eat with my right arm again. Learned to write with my right arm again, but had to quit it because I was too slow when I came back to regular school. Became naturalize…

Memories of hard times can brighten your way- part 2

Fragments from my diary Monday, 2nd of September 2002 Dear diary, Today is the first day of new school year and everything else becomes unimportant. What is important is school. I hesitated a little to write you because my brother is such a sniffer. First time I had to cut out few pages, out of fear, but now I will not do it. So, Diana fell in love with Alexander, and, by her story, Mia too. He is cute a bit. I have to tell you that Martin is so cute this yearJ. So I have to know is he still in love with me. Angel has got some awful haircut, and there are rumors that my mentor will go to military service. What will I do without him!!! Love you! Your Maki
Sunday, 1st of December 2002 Dear diary, First of December! A month to go and New Year. But, I cannot wait! But, during this month I will have a billion written assignments and control tests. On Wednesday I will do a written assignment from physics. I am scared a bit, because this will be one of the real tests before competition. At this mom…

Memories of hard times can brighten your way- part 1

Image
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” Steve Jobs
This quote sounds so inspiring when it comes to career goals and life aspirations. But, from the viewpoint of a stroke survivor, it is a state of mind. My ‘dots’ were not in my own hands at one point in my life; but over the years (almost 16 now) I have made them my allies, simply choosing not to give up on myself. Each of us dealing with a neurological disorder needs to find a magic formula of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’- set up rules, stick to them and find a quiet harbour. Marijeta Mojasevic Making a list for every day is not possible to do. I tried it many, many times since I acquired my disabilities. My brain is functioning in its own way and we never reached an agreement or best behaviour model! To write these lines I needed couple of evenings, despite my inspiration, because a headache weakened my concentration. But I …

TiM

Image
Bili su tim. Bili su mit. Skladno različiti, neskladno isti. Razmjenjivali su emocije i boje, kidajući dane daleko jedno od drugog. On je djelovao distancirano, ona plašljivo bahato, no tu plašljivost on nije mogao da vidi.    Prvi susret je počeo kašnjenjem i traženjem po trgu na kojem bi se najlakše mogao izvesti neki atentat. Malo zbunjenosti i predostrožnosti se na kraju večeri ispostavilo kao jedan od onih raz-govora koji traju četiri sata, a prođu za tren. Vanvremeno, a prostorno uslovljeno, rastanak sa blagim poljupcem u obraz je obećavao.    Žene treba da dekolte koriste u dobrotvorne svrhe, tako da je ona znala šta treba činiti. Još uvijek kao kockari koji nisu sigurni u ulog, posle višečasovne priče, koncentracija pada. Mora da je izuzetno teško gledati zansne grudi, a ne dirnuti ih. Taj zverski poljubac posle dva, na klupi u parku, je dobio komentar: dobro došao. Usne su se pronašle- to je početak i kraj.   Hodala je njegovim stopama, u dalekom gradu, preko dalekog mora, …

Decenija ljubavi

Image
Oblačim svoj crveni kaput i odlazim u moju ispovjedaonicu tajni. Njena crvena sjediša, crveni tepisi i zavjese bude u meni znatiželju i pružaju mir. Ljubav prema pozorištu se, zapravo, rodila u periodu dok sam studirala. Prije svakog testa ili ispita, ma koliko da je bio bitan, išla bih da gledam predstavu, ukoliko se igrala. To me je opuštalo i pomagalo mi da „saberem misli“. Zapravo je teatar bio mjesto za preslišavanje i razbijanje treme koja tek slijedi.    Ponekad i u „casual“ varijanti, onako domski, bih došetala od studenjaka, koji se nalazi desetak minuta hoda od pozorišta. Kako sam nakon izvjesnog perioda postala redovna gošća, ulazila sam bez karte, pravo studentski, provlačeći se poput mačke i zauzimajući neko od mjesta kada svi sjednu. Ali najčešće bih dolazila lijepo odjevena, početničko damski, sa nevješto stavljenom šminkom, jer teatar zaslužuje dozu glamura, koju najbolje nose stare dame, sa svojim večernjim toaletama, brižljivo odabranim za tu priliku. Upravo jedn…

Непрочитано писмо

Image
Драга докторице,
Вјероватно ме се не сјећатe, толико пацијената дође и прође, неки никада не изађу из болничких постеља које никад нису личне, већ опште, за неке предмет сталног сјећања.  Прије више од 15 година сам лежала на неурохирургији у Београду, руптура АВМа, скоро па отписана. Вас се сјећам одмах након што сам изашла из стања амнезије. Били сте дивни, онако како је пријало четрнаестогодишњем дјетету које је први пут у животу осјетило шта је то права бол. Миловање по коси, држање за руку... све што у том тренутку треба неком ко не зна шта га је задесило. Преживјех и то и исти удар пола године касније. И многе емотивне који су ме задесили током ових година. Константе диплопије и хемипарезу, хронични бол...тешкоће разних врста које су постале моји савезници. Из Београда те 2003.године понесох три успомене: сјећања на двије младе дјевојке, од којих је једна умрла од рака, а друга је имала завој на глави и тјешила ме док сам имала јаке болове. Њен глас ме је болио, али га се радо сјећ…

Workplace stress

I was struggling with mental health problems four years ago, which was caused by mobing and stress at work. As a person with acquired disability, at one point in my life, I was going through a long psychological therapy which was a part of my rehabilitation, after I survived two strong strokes. That experience made me very capable to resist many upcoming bad experiences, such as dealing with a bad employer and some health issues caused by it. When I accepted that job, the salary was not even satisfying, but I was really looking forward to new experience and hoping to improve related to a financial situation of that organization, which was promised to me during first interview. And, what was most important, I had the feeling of being in a safe surrounding, because it is an organization representing people with disabilities, led by them. After a short period of time, the situation got worse. My superior, who is also disabled, did not like the fact that I respect my work time and finish…