Memories of hard times can brighten your way- epilogue

When you take someone’s old diary and read some lines, if you really know the person, you can see the difference. But my transformation, due to two strokes and further changes as its result, was very fast and inevitable. Yet, almost invisible. I was dying from the inside and was not aware of it. I wanted to die and simplicity of it was terrifying.
One period of my life I could not use my right arm at all. So my family was writing on my behalf, helping me to put clothes on, eat, taking me to physical rehabilitation. Spa treatment helped me a lot. Psychological treatment too. But most of the job that came after the storm I had to do on my own. It was heartbreaking, challenging, and hard at many moments. It was most important job in my life, still is, a to-do list. Had to do all from scratch. Hated it, but did it. Learned to eat with my right arm again. Learned to write with my right arm again, but had to quit it because I was too slow when I came back to regular school. Became naturalized left handed person. Nothing is perfect, but it is as it is. I made it from the ashes. I’m proud of it.
I lost most of my friends due to disability stigma and prejudices. Gained new ones, treasure of my life. As a youth worker I am trying to explain to the youngsters why they should not be afraid of differences, and disability is one. Love it. Feel accomplished.
Double vision is my companion for more than 15 years. I hate it. Slow reader, studying sometimes was hell. But I was a “B” in the end. And my job is all about reading. I don’t regret it, I love it and am always giving my best to be even better. I could not do my Masters yet, but hope someday soon. I love the idea. I can’t drive any vehicle and love to walk. The power of walking, which I did not have at one point in my life, is one of the best feelings ever. I cannot forget it.
Constant headache is such a small thing after all these years. Chronic pain is just a fact, which in my everyday life does not make a big difference. But it is here and I am well aware of it. Sometimes I need a day off or just couple of hours to rest. That’s why I need a friendly work environment, where you have the feeling of understanding by superiors. I quit one job because I didn’t have it. I don’t regret it. Moved on, happy as a child.
And I came to that point of life where my health situation is stable. Probability that I will die from stroke is small. Thinking how great it will be to have my own kid, named Sunshine, with a man I love. I can’t wait, but I’m patient too.
This painting is wonderful and it reminds me of my life path. There is no space for turning back, just look ahead and you will notice a beautiful field for exploring and bales of hay for resting. Keep it simple!


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