Memories of hard times can brighten your way- part 1

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”
Steve Jobs

This quote sounds so inspiring when it comes to career goals and life aspirations. But, from the viewpoint of a stroke survivor, it is a state of mind. My ‘dots’ were not in my own hands at one point in my life; but over the years (almost 16 now) I have made them my allies, simply choosing not to give up on myself. Each of us dealing with a neurological disorder needs to find a magic formula of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’- set up rules, stick to them and find a quiet harbour.
Making a list for every day is not possible to do. I tried it many, many times since I acquired my disabilities. My brain is functioning in its own way and we never reached an agreement or best behaviour model! To write these lines I needed couple of evenings, despite my inspiration, because a headache weakened my concentration. But I managed.
In a nutshell: I acquired my disabilities while I was a high school student, more than 15 years ago. That was the hardest period of my life, since my chronic disease repeated and struck with force: I could die easily.
But life gave me another chance. I had to quit school for a year and a half, continuing schooling from different starting ground: seeing double, taking strong medicine and having hemiparesis were just part of my problem. My neurological frame was ruined and it will never be fixed again. Chronic pain became my constant friend, my inevitable devil. I had to accept the fact that I will never walk properly again, use my right hand the same way or see normally. Those are facts, I cannot deny them anymore. I have managed to accept myself in new light with great help of my dear psychologist and other professionals and members of my family and friends.

Writing these lines may be not so hard for me now, but coming to this point was indeed challenging. As I read somewhere: “To understand another person, you must swim in the same waters that drowned them.” So I will try to lead you back in that time when my life started shaking from the ground.This photo is of my old diary, which I started to write less than a year before my first stroke. From this I’ll share some parts of typical teenager life, ordinary ones; after that I will give you an insight in parts of my life after my first and second stroke. Because it is not the same life, nor am I the same person. Here you will see a difference between #LifeGoals and #BrainLifeGoals. It is really challenging to open this notebook after so many years, believe me.


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