Independent Living as Enlightenment

 Once upon a time my reality was broken. At that time, I was lonely, could not realize how come I cannot fit in so called normal world, my broken reality. I was going trough the worst period of my life, when society rejected me after I became a person with acquired disability, sentencing me to the worst punishment – loneliness. It took me years to understand that I should not fit in in the so called ‘normal’ society, because it is not normal without me as a disabled person. As different than others. That’s one of my mottoes.

Living in Montenegro, which is not yet a state with strong and effective policy toward disability issues in general (in theory we are doing better and better, but when it comes to practice we are not so good), you just have to choose which reality you should live in: the one which is imposed to you by social norms of so called ‘normal’ society – full of stereotypes and prejudices towards the minority, or you can get out from that frame and by your personal example create reality which will break norms by showing that there are other forms of living by your own rules, but with correct support of society. That is my vision of independent living, which I  truly apply.

It took me years to realize that my disability isn’t something that I should be ashamed of and, considering that Montenegrin society is still a patriarchal one, with strong medical model of approach to disability, including stereotypes and prejudices as part of it, I have decided to be honest about my feelings and experiences and everything that I‘ve gone through since I lost the privileged status of a person without disability.  Because it is privileged. And I don’t miss it so much anymore and life should go that way. Since I feel and understand the other side of the medal, I can say without any doubt that I am more complete as individual and capable to understand those who are being put aside only because they are not similar to majority. Different. Sometimes strange by some characteristic. Maybe angry at destiny. But still humans, who often understand my needs better of those who are not “in our skin”. So I could say that I can see both sides (well, I can see double, so that is kind of normal to me – just joking) and I can say that fear is, in many cases the reason why persons without disabilities do not accept us. Because they’re afraid that, in some odd way, they can become similar to us. Because they are realizing that disability is something that could happen to them too, by listening to our stories. And they don’t have enough strength to deal with it. Let them go. But always say your story. It’s important, it’s unique, it’s you.

Independent living isn’t easy task to do, but in life of any minority group, in lives of persons with disabilities is crucial. It’s not just a right, prescribed by convention and other law act, it’s a wish, which is older than willingness of government. And I don’t care if all four ladies this morning were looking at me as I am a monster just because I am not walking properly, or my hand or eyes look strange – that’s their unawareness of the fact that there are differences. And all people should face it.

So, keep walking in your own way, or using your wheelchair, stick or any mean that can help you or your personal assistant to function properly. Because the battle for independent living has just started. Talk, walk, drive or use a stick and stick to your mission. And don’t judge, tell your story, without hesitations.